Haiz...

I think I'm suffering from depression... So many times today I had had this thought stuck in my head... going... Stick the gun on your head and pull the trigger... Stick the bloody gun on your fucking head and blow it right off... Thank GOD I do not have the courage to take my own life... Feel absolutely like nobody cares about me at all... and that nobody bothers to care... Haiz...

I used to cut myself with a penknife on my wrist, just for the sake of cutting... but of course my cuts were never deep enough to cause death... If not I won't be alive to be typing this blog here...

Isn't it funny that people always talk about commiting suicide as a form of escape from reality... And that it's only people with real courage who will face their problems right in the bud and nip it off... But it's not easy to take your own life as well of course... Not everyone could throw themselves off a building, or cut a cut on their wrist deep enough to se it bleed... Haiz...

Sadly... I lack the courage to perform both acts... *LOL*... But still performing duty with a gun by your side can be dangerous, especially when you have thoughts of blowing your own head off...

Maybe history may repeat itself... Ha Ha... We can only sit and watch...